Oahu: A Travel Guide

I'm currently spending my final day visiting Hawaii, and being the intrepid travel writer that I clearly am I've decided to share some of the sites with you, the internet.

Pictured here is the oldest McDonald's in Hawaii, or rather the McDonald's built in the parking lot of the oldest McDonald's in Hawaii to replace the oldest McDonald's in Hawaii. In any case, a McDonald's has occupied this spot since 1968! You can really connect with the aloha spirit and commune with the ancient Hawaiian people as you eat a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. (Supersizing makes Pele smile!)

Next up we have what I am told is the busiest highway in the nation: H1. Hawaii has three "interstate highways," all on Oahu and none built to the specs of the rest of the Eisenhower Interstate System. As such the top speed limit is 50 mph, with a suggested minimum of 40. That alone may account for its congestion.

Don't miss the unique tourist destination that is the Dole Plantation! A few scant years after his cousin Sanford overthrew Hawaiian Queen Lili‘uokalani in a coup, refused to step down when then US President Grover Cleveland told him to knock it off, and instead imprisoned the Queen and declared himself supreme high potentate of the Republic of Hawaii, James Dole brought pineapples to Hawaii and figured he could get them to grow. Grow they did! The author is pictured here in one of the finer specimens. What else is at the plantation? The Pineapple Express train ride (riders get a deal on the official train ride soundtrack cd) and the "world's largest maze", only slightly smaller than 1/5 the size of the hedge maze built by Italian publishing magnate Franco Maria Ricci in 2010.

Dole would of course go on to support many Banana Republics, like the one in Ala Moana Center (not pictured). The largest open-air shopping center in the world and the 15th largest mall in the United States, Ala Moana sits just outside Waikiki and caters to the high-end delights of the tourists who stay there. A hulu show takes place in the center's center at 1pm daily.